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Essay Subject: Examines relationships' end as a phase in life & death of the couple, focusing on the failure of communication.... More...

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Paper Abstract: Examines relationships' end as a phase in life & death of the couple, focusing on the failure of communication. Paper Introduction: Nature’s first green is gold Her hardest hue to hold Her early leaf’s a flower But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. The poet Robert Frost’s assessment of the transience of everything good is a little more pessimistic than most of us would like to be to be, but it may indeed be an accurate one when one is discussing the likely course of human relationships, which so very often end in disinterest, distrust, alienation and a lack of any genuine Text of the Paper: The entire text of the paper is shown below. However, the text is somewhat scrambled. We want to give you as much information as we possibly can about our papers and essays, but we cannot give them away for free. In the text below you will find that while disordered, many of the phrases are essentially intact. From this text you will be able to get a solid sense of the writing style, the concepts addressed, and the sources used in the research paper. The poet Robert Frost's assessment of the transience of everythinggood is a little more pessimistic than most of us would like to be to be,but it may indeed be an accurate one when one is discussing the likelycourse of human relationships, which so very often end in disinterest,distrust, alienation and a lack of any genuine communication. Nothing gold can stay. This can takethe form of actual physical separation or be embedded in verbal and/ornonverbal messages. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 5: 423-437.Miller, G. In C. This applies to not only sensitive areas buteven seemingly innocuous ones that have become so infected by previousbouts of bad communication that the people concerned no longer try them.Extended stagnating, according to Knapp and Vangelisti (1996) can occur inmany long-term relationships, and especially between children and parentsjust prior to divorce. The Dialectic of Marriage. The style of communication during this terminal phase is characterizedby messages of distance and disassociation, attempts to place psychologicaland physical barriers between the two (non-)communicators. It begins with thestage of circumscribing, in which people send out messages to each otherthat they wish to control the areas of discussion - keeping allconversations and other forms of communication within safely circumscribedareas. Many psychologists believe that all human relationships contain anelement of dialectical opposition within them, which is to say that (amongother attributes of a relationship) we are both drawn to other people andat the same time drawn to an ideal of personal autonomy. However, certain elements seem to be common to this final phase ofthe relationship, according to this model. and Sarnoff, S. (1988). New York: Academic Press.Sarnoff, I. A Dialectical Perspective on Communication Strategies in Relationship Development. Good communication requires having something incommon, and as people begin to differentiate, they will inevitably haveless and less in common. ReferencesAltman, I., Vinsel, A., and Borown, B., (1981). Nature's first green is gold Her hardest hue to hold Her early leaf's a flower But only so an hour. Disassociation is the psychological preparation beingundertaken by both people as they prepare for a life without the otherperson and so is marked by a communication style marked by increasedconcern for one's own self-interests and an emphasis on difference.Communication style - apart from the actual content of any given message -is also likely to be characterized by narrow, rigid and hesitantstatements, suspended judgements and a focus on public-arena communicationrather than private, intimate content (Sarnoff and Sarnoff, 1989a,October). 544-561). Communication Monographs, 57: 44-61.Geller, D.A. In S.W. Psychology Today, pp. This paper reviews the literature on the interaction between couplesat the end of a serious relationship, focusing particularly on the type,amount and quality of communication that mark the end of days for humanrelationships. People feel substantially less comfortable makingany sort of intimate contact (including both physical and mental) and closedown the systems of communication that kept the relationship vital. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's 197 model -which she developed to account for the experience of dying patients andtheir families - is a useful place to begin when trying to create anexplanatory and descriptive model of the dynamics of a relationship in itslast stages. While the first phasesare often marked by a breakdown in communication, the last stage may wellbe marked by an improvement in communication. These will befollowed by depression and then finally acceptance. Uncoupling: How relationships come apart. 1 7-16 ). The Rhetoric of Goodbye: Verbal and Nonverbal Correlates of Human Leave-Taking. and Harris, L.M. etal. At the beginningof a relationship, the factors pushing us toward connection are greater,whereas at the end the factors pushing us towards autonomy are greater, butthe dialectical process occurs throughout the relationship. This may inpart account for why it is so difficult for a couple to end a relationship,even when the two people are in agreement that it should end and have goodopen channels of communication: they are still being impelled by thedialectical forces that push them together even as they pull them apart(Baxter, 1988). (199 ). Bowers (eds.), Handbook of rhetorical and communication therapy (pp. London: Wiley.Bochner, A.P. Boson: Allyn and Bacon.Cissna, K. New York: Macmillan.Masheter, C. In some ways, one can better understand the end of a relationship bylooking at the beginning of a typical relationship, for the unwinding of arelationship has distinct structural parallels with its initial winding up(Altman, I., Vinsel, A. Interpersonal communication and human relationships, 2nd ed. and Parks, M. and Bochner, A. N., Cox, D.E.. In L. (1974). Miller and Parks (1982) found that thereare a number of key grammatical and syntactical markers for those in theend stages of a relationship: a decrease in the use of future-tensereferences in regards to their relationship, a decrease in pronounsreferencing mutual agency, a decrease in time spent on each conversationaltopic (even when the topic is not on a per se threatening subject), anincrease in the number of conflict encounters and a decrease in thenonverbal aspects of communication that signal connection such as touch andphysical space between people talking to each other. This style of leave-taking suggests a much morepermanent break than the kinds of separation markers that people use inleave-taking in a more casual setting or leave-taking that has no seriousor permanent undertones to it and as such can be psychologically verydamaging (Geller etal, 1974; Bochhner, 1984.) The end-stage of a relationship in this model is designated as theterminal stage, and it can occur at any point after the relationship hasbeen initiated, from a day to a lifetime. On death and dying. (1984). These distinctions that become apparent grammatically reflect agreater and greater differentiation between the people in a relationship.Knapp etal (1973) found that communication in the end stage of arelationship is marked by an increasing emphasis on what distinguishes thepersons involved and how little they have in common. On Being Ignored: The Effects of the Violation of Implicit Rules of Social Interaction. (197 ). et alia. Her model predicts that people undergoing a loss (and especially onethat they cannot control, such as that brought on by death or by thedissolution of a relationship by the other person) will experience firstdenial, then anger and blame, then a period of bargaining. Berkowitz (ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. In some ways, it is useful to compare the voluntary end of arelationship (at least voluntary on one side) with the involuntary endingof a relationship caused by death. The Dialectic of Marital and Parental Relationships within the Stepfamily. and Vangelisti, A. (1973). and Brown, B., 1981; and Cissna, K.N., Cox, D.E.and Bochner, A.P., 199 ). 257-273). Knapp and Vangelisti (1996) have developed this concept ofdifferentiation into a model of communication at the end of a relationship,noting that people will find their communication more conscribed at theterminus of a relationship. 54-57.Vaughan, D. This phase is followed by a phase in which the people concerned avoideach other, practicing a rhetoric of avoidance that is the antithesis ofthe rhetoric of initiation. So Eden sank to grief So dawn goes down to day. The most visible formof such differentiating is outright conflict or fighting, but it can alsobe distinguished by less overt means, such as the constant and continualsubstitution of the words "I" and "mine" where before "we" and "ours" wasused. Duck (ed). New York: Academic Press.Baxter, L.A. (1982). Then leaf subsides to leaf. 14, pp. Arnold and J. The Functions of Human Communication in Interpersonal Bonding. 127-154. The nature of the communicationthat takes place between two people during this phase depends on a numberof factors, including primarily how long the relationship has lasted andwhat the nature of the relationship was as well as what it is that causesthe relationship to come to an end (Vaughan, 1986; and Masheter and Harris,1986). From Divorce to Friendship: A Study of Dialectical Relationship Development. Needham Heights, MA: Allyn and Bacon.Kubler-Ross, E. Their model follows a couple at the end of their relationship througha number of phases, just as Kubler-Ross's model does. As differentiation becomes increasinglypronounced, the style of communication will become increasingly superficialand the public aspects of it will become increasingly pronounced. Personal relationships 4: dissolving relationships, pp. Leave-taking can be a healthy activity, and it is certainly truethat various elements of what might be seen as the choreography of leave-taking are certainly functional and no doubt help make the process easier,even when the ending of a relationship is not mutual. This is often reflected on a very little way in the language thatpeople ending a relationship use. (1986). P. (1989a, October). (1986). Duck (ed.) Handbook of personal relationships: Theory, research interventions (pp. Sociometry 37: 541-556.Knapp, A.L. This stage of improved communication does not always occur, forsometimes the end of relationships is marked by the disappearance of theability to self-disclose. During this phase the style of communication isdesigned to avoid the possibility of intimate (face-to-face or even voice-to-voice) interaction. (1996). Dialectical Conceptions in Social Psychology: An Application to Social Penetration and Privacy Regulation. This phase is followed by a phase of stagnation, in which people in arelationship tend to conduct covert dialogues rather than opencommunication because so many areas of communication and conversation havenow been placed off limits. In S. Speech Monographs 4 : 182-199.Knapp, A.L. New York: Vintage Books. While we are perhaps inclined to view the end of a relationship(especially a long-term relationship that had in its initial stages beenbeneficial and satisfying to the parties involved) it is important to notethat such leave-takings may in fact be a healthy move for the peopleinvolved. If this paper is not what you are looking for, you can search again: Search for: or Click here to request an essay written just for you.

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